Water is patient. Water is persistent. Water will find the one spot you didn't quite slope right and throw a pool party there.

Step 1: Accept that water has opinions. It doesn't care about your weekend plans. It cares about gravity. Work with gravity. Grade away from the house. This is not optional. This is Dad Law.

Step 2: Dig with confidence. The trench doesn't have to be pretty. It has to be deep enough and long enough. Your back will complain. Your yard will thank you.

Step 3: French drain or faith drain. A French drain is gravel, pipe, and hope stacked in a trench. Install it right and water goes somewhere else. Install it "good enough" and water goes somewhere else eventually. Both are victories.

Step 4: The post-storm inspection. Walk the yard in rain boots. Feel powerful. Note any new lakes. Adjust. Add a downspout extension. Slap the gutter and move on.

Step 5: Tell yourself "water'll find its way." It will. Your job is to make sure its way is not your basement.

You don't need a landscape architect. You need a shovel, a level, and the confidence of a man who watched two YouTube videos and decided he was qualified.

DIY. Dad approved. Water'll find its way — just make sure it's not toward your foundation.